tainted_ice

I was hoping to get Out of Ashes by Dead by Sunrise today. Did try, actually. Somehow it never crossed my mind, it might be impossible for me to buy MP3 Albums just because I happen to live in some remote country called Poland...


I was back from work after 6 p.m. Again. I'm tired, frustrated and pretty much do loathe my boss.
i find it rather sad as I used to enjoy my job, used to feel appreciated by my coworkers and a single person managed to cross it all out.


Still waiting for the phone to ring. Running away may not be the perfect solution but my options seem somewhat limited.

Ok, so I applied for the job. I guess, I'd better start praying they give me that call.

The last three months were the most frustrating ever. I need things to change or I'll go mad. And, as it's my current job that's causing me most grief, it's only prudent I change the job.

Eclairs are just plain evil.
DMC4 rocks though!

Today my boss announced he's leaving. Probably not quite of his own volition, but them that's just people speculating.
This could be a turn for the better or for the worse. Past experience kinda points to the latter.

Now, let's just try and reduce agonizing over the possibilities to a minimum., shall we?
I'm tired of this job either way.

*Whines*
Do I really have to go to work tomorrow?

Nie moje ryby, powierzone nie mi na przechowanie, rozmnożyły się w moim akwarium. Ciekawe co na to właściciel.

I cannot help but feel that this whole thing - working, living, whatever - should somehow be more fulfilling.

So, it's Friday evening and I really don't wanna go out.
Why is it I have to go out again?
Right, a hen party.
Still, I really, really don't wanna go, period.
This is so not going to be fun. Not with an altitude like that, anyway. And I can't drink either... Boo.

I can't help but feel ridiculously happy that I'm sick and don't need to go to work this week.
What does it say about my job?
Probably that I should quit. The sooner the better. Or as soon as I can find something else.

Oh, and did I mention my boss is one incompetent asshole? Well, he is. Although, admittedly, he's not the biggest issue here. Or not the only one.

It seems I'm spending the next few weeks desperately hoping for the phone to ring...

If this goes on I'm going to turn bald real soon...

No smoking (am not)
No drinking (oh well)
No coffe (gee, guess what I'm allergic anyway)
Eat healthy (could someone define that please?)
No stress
Right.
Because that soo easy to do. And I'm probably doing it on purpose.

I strongly resent the fact that I'm obviously not as smart, pretty or otherwise worthwhile as I'd like to think.

Right now I can't help but look back at the choices I made and wonder if I once held and relinquished more that I ever should.

In the end, had I answered differently, would that have made any difference?

It takes no little courage to leave everything behind, and for something as fickle as another's heart no less. Much as I doubt You felt there was much keeping You here anyway.

It really shouldn't have hit as hard as it did, yet it did. And I seem to have trouble letting go. Darn...

I feel awful. I just had a row with my mother. She was just trying to help out and it really isn't her fault that she can't, not really. Nor that I can't seem to be able to properly communicate with my own father. It's just that I'm feeling really frustrated and her manner tends to drive me mad on my best days.

The thesis is all nice and done. It's not terrible but I sure can live with that. What kills me however are the formalities. I need to go collect some dozen signatures, half of which I have absolutely no idea from whom exactly. The trickiest bit however is that all those places I need to go to are only open 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. workdays, while I just happen to be working 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.
And there's just no way I'm getting another day off anytime this month. That and both my sister and my dearest father have recently proved all too willing and reliable to provide any sort of help.

Also, work is going to be rather interesting over the next few weeks. People are leaving and no one seems to be looking for replacements yet.

I feel I have reason to feel edgy.

I believe I might be socially handicapped

And I can hardly believe how lucky I am! Because it's not just some random job. It's a great job, and I know how hard it is to actually find a post like that. And I hardly had to do anything to actually get it, too! (2 interviews really, but that's beside the point)

As it is, I owe a great deal to a certain friend of mine. And just when I was rather miserable with the lot I wanted to call friends, too.

So, mostly I'm grateful, then somewhat relieved and well, I'm still too much in shock to get to the happy bit.

Tests, orals, professors to avoid... altogether, not my favorite time of the year.

My library disapeared. Well, actually it was moved elsewhere sometime in the summer, I think. I can't believe I never noticed. And it was there like always, too. I just hate how everything changes these days.

I can't seem to stop eating. Meaning I'm either hormonal or upset.
No, actually I'd wager both. And nervous. And cannot seem to find anything substantial to occupy myself with.

Also, here goes my New Year's resolution. I still intend to look better than the bride in april. Well, one needs a purpose in life, no matter how ridiculous.

Too much food. Way too much food.

I got myself a rather nasty case of a trojan (well, about twenty of them actually, but it was a single one that did the trick), stayed up half the night yesterday and still had to reformat in the morning.

The phone rings less often now. Grandfather probably won't get better. He isn't willing to. We are getting used to the idea.

I'm getting some work done on the thesis, which is good. It almost seems feasible now.

My cousin is getting married in April. Good for her. I can't say I look forward to the teasing. Oh, wait, it's already there!

Lately I start doing something I then can't bring myself to finish. I've been reading a lot, too. It usually means I don't care to face reality much at the moment. And, as a matter of fact, I don't.

I've come to dread incoming phone calls. I keep expecting to hear the worst. For we all know it's but a matter of time. I think I'm scared. Mostly for my father.